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How to piss off your old, loose girlfriend:
There has never been a better time to buy your bitch a an egg and tie a boulder to it.
Introducing some lady who teaches housewives how to get tight.
“This involves my traveling to different locales, and shooting images of objects indigenous to the regions, which I lift with my vagina. You can check out the whole series on Instagram, which I catalog using #ThingsILiftWithMyVagina.
By inserting a jade egg into the vagina and attaching a string to it, I “lift” any number of things: tropical fruits, gluten-free organic donuts, cold-pressed juices.”
Just present your GF with this list of benefits
-Have more orgasms.
-Have better orgasms. By better I mean, mind-, body- and spirit-altering orgasms that are longer, deeper, more intense, and include the ability to ejaculate.
-Keep your internal organs (I.e. no pelvic organ prolapse).
-Have an easier childbirth and recover more quickly afterward.
-Up your libido. When the vagina is weak, it feels numb. Sex is infinitely more pleasurable with a sensitive and articulate vagina.
-Eliminate issues of urinary incontinence.
-Increase circulation in the vaginal canal and produce lubrication more easily (this is the main reason women do not lubricate profusely).
-Integrate your sexual energy into everything you do. When women are dissociated from their vaginas, they are also cut off from the natural and enlivening flow of their sexual energy. When the vagina is brought back to life, that vital, life-force energy is available to you to channel into all parts of your life.
-A natural facelift. When you strengthen and pull up the pelvic floor muscles, you create an energetic lift throughout the entire body, which even registers in the face. I have had clients stop using Botox after beginning their lifting practice.
-Be able to shoot ping pong balls. This is every woman’s God-given right.