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I can’t watch this porn without crying
This is how farmers tie a string around the bull’s testicles, slowly strangling them until they fall off.
Articles by: Jesus Martinez
Funny
Barbie Doll Sex
[jwplayer mediaid=”17667″] Someone should make a barbie-sized doll out of latex, with a tiny hole in its ass so men can penetrate it and stretch its tiny body like a balloon that’s going to pop – the doll will have plastic eyes that squeeze out of the her head so […]
Watersports
Underwater Sex
I like how boobs suddenly perk up, bellies are flattened, and skin becomes luminescent underwater. There’s a hot awkwardness to their maneuvers. This takes skill. Sometimes my fiancé would thrust his cock to the back of my throat and hold my nose with his fingers, choking me. I guess he […]
Uncategorized
The Bear Jew’s Dragon Porn
If you want to know what fucking a dragon sounds like, watch this video. If you want to be young again and have a gf, become a jew. This man is compelling. He is Action Man. He is the Stalin of porn. Dominating. Powerful. He also lives out his fantasies […]
Uncategorized
That Furrowed Brow Look
Pornstars are actors, which means that what they are doing is pretty fake. This is why I dislike porn. But my vibrator broke, and now I’m back on it like some junkie out of rehab (does that make sense?). This is probably fake too. Soft shit. Don’t know why I’m […]
Uncategorized
THe Common Law of Man… the taste of cum
Same standard hotel room, same old love story turned awry. She might like it, I can’t tell. Some people live to serve. If you want to cum in a girl’s mouth, the Common Law of Man dictates that you must first try your own cum. I have masturbated to this […]
Fetish
Fetishes are Fascinating…
Sleep, sleep little boy… Dreams of Jesus Martinez’s sweaty nipples, acne-ravaged face gently kissing my yoni… give me a yoni massage lil J… I hate your three-period style of writing… but I’m too tired to not copy your ways… I know you won’t read this probably, but maybe someone else […]
Uncategorized
Sex Strategies for Obese People
When I’m tired, sometimes ass is what I need. Hot man ass, and his dick reaching desperately deep inside of me to fill my cavernous womb with his seed – I have never held a baby. When I watch this video, which is mostly just a guy twitching on top […]
Uncategorized
The Caravan of Latex
The Nazi Bitch of Buchenwald had lamps made from human skin in her house. Other people who are not Nazis, but are equally as gullible and dumb, wrap themselves in plastic and pretend to be horses. I feel like this is something I will end up doing, it will just […]
Uncategorized
Today’s Artporn
This film is amazing. I put porn on it so dirty fucks like you would come like flies to clickbait. It’s a cheap trick for a good cause. I wanted to put this out there, because it has girls sleeping on top of elephants and a guy who eats manatee […]
Funny
Mother of all Ejaculators
This guy is so interesting… he was probably an army cadet kid from Saskatchewan. Now he has a motor boat hobby, or a train hobby, or he has a car with pop out headlights which he uses to kill unsuspecting Saskatchewan pedestrians [jwplayer mediaid=”17557″]
Female Orgasm
How to tell if she had a real orgasm
This is what it actually looks like. If her face still looks cute and she’s moaning all cute and like a little kid then she just wants you to finish because she doesn’t like sexing you. She will become a T-Rex. She will fuck your tiny cock until you’re sore […]