Why Can’t Whores Stick to Doing Whore Stuff? Quit Trying to Ruin a Good Thing!

Katie Price, aka Jordan, aka one of those big-titted British “glamour models” who’s brought her game across the pond to grace America with her sluttiness because she feels we’re in short supply, has written a book. Actually, it’s a Christmas book. If there’s one thing I know she’s an expert on, aside from marrying gay men and providing her children with plenty of embarrassing stories to tell their therapist, it’s the holiday celebrating our lord and savior Jesus (Martinez). So the book is called Santa Baby, and if these photos are any indication it’s a cheap romance novel that provides a more in-depth retelling of that childhood classic song “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause”, only in this version Mommy likely gets fucked by a reindeer while Santa and his elves take turns jerking off onto her face and the kid’s Christmas presents.

It pisses me off when whores try to deviate from their chosen path of whoredom and write books, launch perfume lines, or design clothes. I don’t even like when they wear clothes, frankly. If you earn your money with your fake tits and your pussy slips, you can’t act like a demure lady and suddenly start drinking tea with your pinky all up in the air. You can’t write books, when we all know that if you’d had any interest in literature and even the weakest grasp of the English language, you probably would have never been famous to begin with because you would have went to college and became a preschool teacher instead of fucking yourself famous and disappointing your parents. But just in case I’m wrong and Katie Price aka Jordan becomes a middle-aged debutante or marries into royalty and starts wearing dresses that don’t leave her cooch flapping in the wind, I’m including these pictures of her old self–her true self–her whore self.