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Lindsay Lohan is a terrible role model. But when you’re born into a family that includes Dina “Will-Fuck-for-Gin-at-Applebee’s” Lohan and Michael “I-Just-Hit-That-Bitch-with-a-Bottle” Lohan, you’re pretty much fucked from the moment you popped out of your mama’s sacred place.
I would hope that during her coke breaks in between takes she turned to Ali and said “Listen up, little sister. If you don’t want to end up like me, you better go to college. Stay away from all alcohol, even rum balls, because we were born with a genetic predisposition to become alcoholics. Also, blow is fun but fun doesn’t pay the bills, not does it buy you more coke.”
Unfortunately, I’m realistic and I’m sure it was more like “Hey Ali, will you hand me that MAC concealer? I’ve got a herpes outbreak and I have a feeling we’re going to be over the Photoshop budget as it is.”
Aside from the fact that I’ve seen better examples of sibling compassion on episodes of The Wire, can we please discuss why Ali Lohan is turning into Sam Ronson, aka the DJ-turned-Lohan-labia-licker that Lindsay has been obsessively stalking for the past three years? It’s creepy, and not even in a hot lesbian way. Not even in a moderately hot lesbian way. Maybe if Ali didn’t have the dark under-eye circles and skinny limbs of someone that just wobbled out of a concentration camp. Maybe if Lindsay didn’t look like Patty the dayshift hooker from My Name is Earl. No… even then your dick is sad.
Fuck it, here’s some sister porn in case you’re into that sort of thing and the Lohan sisters failed you.