Christina Aguilera is Pregnant with Twins, That’s the Only Reasonable Explanation

Posted by VirginMary × October 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm

Remember when Britney was the fat one, and Christina was the skinny skanky slutty one with more talent, and Britney went nuts and we all thought that was the end? The tables have now turned. Britney Spears is hot again, and appears to have her carzy in check, whereas Chunktina here… I refuse to believe she’s just gotten fucking fat. I simply can’t buy that. She must be pregnant with multiples, it’s the only logical explanation. If she were a regular person, I may believe that she’s really just gained three chins in a year and gained 50 pounds after her divorce because she’s been depression-eating Ben & Jerry’s like nobody’s fucking business. But she’s rich! And rich people can buy friends. And good paid friends will tell you that you are turning into Kirstie Alley. Actually, I think Kirstie Alley may be looking better than Christina now. Maybe after you eat that 4th rotisserie chicken, you should just swallow a gun.

But I know big girls need love too, and I’m sure some of you out there would love to get all up in Aguilera’s bronzer-coated folds, so here’s your fat fetish porn of the day.